Behind These Castle Walls
by BelladonnaFlames
Summary: She was sobbing for the fairytale dream that had come crashing to shambles around her; he was there to pick up the pieces and hold her near, while the man who broke her heart was checking into rehab to win her back. Clary/Jace and Clary/Simon
1. The Love I Left To Die

The Love I Left To Die

Clary stared out the hotel window at the bustle of the New York streets. She couldn't handle being alone for long periods of time anymore, it made her sad, it made her think. She constantly thought about the massacre at Alicante. Survivors Guilt was what Jocelyn called it, but Clary called it not being able to save more people. Her rune had done so much good, but at the same time so many were left dead, and here she was, happy with Jace. Well, there really was no way that Clary could describe herself as happy, she was lonely; Jace was never around and she knew he felt the same survivors guilt that she felt. Jace chose to deal with stuff in different ways, he was out every night; Clary didn't know if he was at a bar, or with other women; in fact, Clary didn't even care anymore. She had fallen out of love with Jace, if that was even possible. It had been a month, and though the two were still guilty, Jace was running from his demons and Clary was facing them head on, a process that ended up in tears in the mean time. Jace was never there for her though, she cried alone, or on Jocelyn's shoulder.

There was a faint tapping on her door, and Clary removed herself from her distracted thoughts, the images of many lying dead on the grounds of Alicante. She stood up and tucked a few stray tendrils of scarlet hair behind her ears; she walked towards the door, glancing in the mirror first to make sure that any trace of emotion was dead in her clear green eyes. The young Shadowhunter opened up the door a crack, and saw Simon standing there, looking as remorseful as a young vampire could. She grinned and let him in; Clary hadn't seen Simon for a while, he had been around New York, taking in the sights again. Simon was happy to be home, and he didn't feel grief in the same way that Clary did.

"Hey," She said softly. Clary looked into Simon's bright eyes, and the vampire stared back. Clary felt herself blushing and she turned away. She couldn't think, she couldn't look at him without thinking of when they had dated…it seemed impossible, but was Clary Fairchild in love with Simon? The redheaded teen shook off the absurd notion.

"Hey yourself, what's wrong?" Simon asked, his voice normally a semblance of a growl seemed almost gentle at the time. Clary ducked her head so that the vampire could not see the tears that were beading along her long black lashes.

"C-come in," Clary choked out, opening the door wider to let her best friend. She knew that Simon wouldn't forget the topic, but if they were going to talk she might as well let him in. Simon walked into the room, his loose stride flowing as he walked towards Clary, forcing her backwards. When he was far enough into the room, he closed the door and swept Clary into a hug. The girl was caught off guard, and the simple display of affection was enough to make her burst into tears. She pressed her face against Simon's collarbone, and the vampire tried to focus on his friend as a broken girl, not the girl he loved broken as she was.

"Clary, Clary, Clary," Simon said simple to the sobbing girl as he picked her up in his arms and held her close; he walked over to the bed and sat down, laying her down beside him. She wouldn't untangle her arms from around his shoulders, so he was forced to lay down right beside her on the large white bed. He held her until her sobs turned to faint hiccups, and then stopped all together.

"Are you okay?" Simon asked her, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her bright red crown. Clary buried closer to him, but shook her head.

"What's wrong Clary, please tell me," Simon begged. The girl looked up at him, her green eyes displaying a broken heart for all to see. She took a deep breath, burying her face in his white shirt; Clary pulled back again to look at him, before looking down through her thick lashes.

"Simon, I don't love Jace anymore, Jace doesn't love me anymore, I've got horrible survivors guilt, and I've got no one," Clary spewed out to the comforting male. Simon traced circles on Clary's shoulder with his finger as he thought about what the beautiful Shadowhunter had said; he stopped tracing the circles when he heard an almost inaudible hitch in Clary's breathing

Clary was going crazy, Simon's vague tracings were making her lose her mind; Clary was almost certain that even Jace had never made her feel this way. Her breath caught as she realized the implications of the thought, and Simon's finger stopped.

"What exactly do you mean you don't love Jace anymore?" Simon asked after what seemed like an eternity. Clary stared into his dark eyes, perplexed by his question. She hadn't realized how much thinking about stuff could suck.

"Well, when we got back from Alicante, Jace and I, well, we started to fight…a lot," Clary said softly. Simon's gaze bored into hers, willing her to continue her tale; reached up a hand to run it through his dark hair, which had grown into a somewhat straight style. Clary smiled at the action, before zeroing in on Simon's eyes again; His eyes were her comfort zone, she knew that she could say anything and he would listen.

"He, well he said some mean stuff, like I was trying to control him, and that I didn't really care about what had happened at Alicante. Suddenly something in me snapped, I mean, I'm used to dealing with his mood swings, I'm used to him running from his demons," Clary paused again and took a deep breath.

"But this was different, he had never taken it out on me before, and I mean never. He started to target me, anything that happened within his family he would blame on me, and every night, when I would come back to the hotel, or Luke's house, Jocelyn would ask me what was wrong," Clary trailed off, brushing away the tears that were forming in her emerald eyes. Simon caught her face in his cool hand, and wiped his thumb along her jaw line.

"It's okay to cry you know," He said softly. Clary smiled weakly and continued her tale.

"So I would tell Jocelyn that I was feeling horrible for all the things that had happened at Alicante, it wasn't a lie, because I really was. I didn't want to tell her about Jace, she never asked so I was safe. Jace went out every night, whether to find women or to get drunk I don't know. He still does it now. We got in a huge fight recently and he hit me, and I told him I didn't love him anymore," Clary told Simon, her eyes huge and childlike, a single tear trailing down her face and cutting through what looked like heavy foundation.

"I thought it was my fault that he hit me, but I looked in the mirror and saw a bruise and realized that it was him who had lost control, it was his fault…" She trailed off as she saw Simon furiously staring at a wall, and as she noted his clenched fist.

"He did what exactly to you?" Simon growled, his kinder voice from before.

"He hit me," Clary said weakly.

"And you did WHAT?" Simon asked.

"Told him I didn't love him, and I blamed myself," Clary told the vampire softly, a sheepish look in her eyes.

Simon could not believe what he had just heard. Jace had hit Clary. Jace. Had. Hit. Clary. No matter how many ways he said it, he just couldn't get it out of his head, the thought, the image.

"No wonder you're a mess girl," Simon said, a growl still in the undercurrents of his tone. He pulled the red-haired wonder closer to him, and she burrowed deep into his arms, her face against his chest.

"Simon, stay here tonight, please," Clary pleaded. She didn't have to plead; Simon would've stayed anyways.

"Well, I guess I'd better get comfortable," He said, with a small smile. But what Clary didn't know, was that he was comfortable any time he was near her. As cheesy as the sentiment sounded, he meant it, he was okay as long as she was around. Clary snuggled closer to him, and in minutes was asleep. Simon held her and listened to her soft breathing before drifting off to sleep himself.


	2. Wake

Wake

Simon's eyes slowly opened as sun sparkled through the hotel window. He buried his face in his silken pillow and took a deep breath, inhaling a strong whiff of Clary's green apple shampoo. He glanced down at the crimson haired girl and blushed a bit as he moved his face away from her hair. Simon unwrapped his arms from Clary's slim body and sat on the edge of the comfortable hotel bed, watching her. Clary looked frail and alone, as if not having someone beside her made her vulnerable. Simon knew Clary's thoughts on being vulnerable, the impulsive girl hated being considered vulnerable. He sighed as he leaned over and tucked a few waves of ruby hair behind her hears and gently wiped the tear trails from her pale cheek. He paused as he saw a faint hint of blue on Clary's cheek. He took a deep, unnecessary breath and stood up abruptly. He strode quietly towards the window and stared out at the quiet city, the city that wasn't quite awake yet. He didn't understand how Jace could've done what he did to Clary. Jace loved Clary, unless he had cast that aside after Alicante. The situation was not computing in Simon's brain. Jace and Clary had worked so hard to work out; they had tried even when they thought they were related. This idea of Clary not loving Jace seemed so foreign and unreal. Clary had once turned him down so severely and now was leaning on him, doting on him; Simon hated to assume this, but maybe Clary even loved him.

"Damn it!" Simon growled, resting his fisted hand on the cool window. He walked towards the bathroom, unbuttoning his white shirt and pulling it off his toned, muscular chest. Closing the bathroom door, he discarded the shirt on the floor and hurriedly finished undressing, turning on the shower as hot as it could go.

Simon stepped out of the shower into steam-clouded air, and dried off his body. He was pulling on his jeans when he heard a loud tapping at the door. Simon slipped on his shirt and the thin fabric clung to his damp skin. He didn't bother to do up the buttons on his shirt.

Jace stood at the door, his amber eyes snapping with flames of anger, his mouth a thin line. His arms were crossed over his chest and his foot tapped out a rhythm on the floor. He knocked again, a short sharp rap. The door opened a crack and Jace caught a glimpse of a dark, un-Clary colored eye. What was someone else doing there? Had Clary turned to another male to fill her dark, lonely nights?

"Open up!" He demanded. He darted out of the way as Simon slithered into the hallway, closing the door silently. Jace's jaw tightened, and he ran a hand through his thick hair; he masked his surprise well, his face sliding into a feigned expression of indifference.

"What are you doing here?" Jace spat. Simon looked taken aback as he stared disbelievingly at Jace.

"You want to know why? Huh Shadowhunter? I'm here because you abandoned Clary, because you hit her. I can't believe you, it's Clary, you were supposed to love her, and now you lost her…she doesn't love you," Simon growled at the shadowhunter male, his voice raw. Jace saw the anger and protectiveness that blazed through Simon's dark eyes. The shadowhunter smirked,

"Sometimes you've got to smack a woman around before she'll listen to you," He said smoothly. Simon stiffened and his hands clenched in fists at his side.

"And you know Clary, never able to dodge a hit," Jace's smirk had turned into a mocking smile.

"You bastard," Simon cursed through gritted teeth. In the blink of an eye Simon had Jace pinned against the opposite wall.

"Don't talk about her like that!" Simon stated forcefully. Jace still smirked at the vampire, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly. In a blur, Simon's fist met his nose, the soft skin and cartilage parting with a wet crunch. Jace groaned in pain as Simon examined his handiwork. The nose was broken to the extreme; blood was flowing in a torrential downpour out of nearly collapsed nostrils. Shards of cartilage poked out from bruising, mangled skin.

"Well, I think I made my point clear," Simon snarled. Jace attempted to stop the blood that was still spewing from his nose, while shaking his head.

"Maybe this will be a bit more clear for you! Leave Clary alone!" Simon bit out, letting go of the Shadowhunter. Jace staggered forward, and Simon moved quickly; he went back into the room, slamming the door behind himself. Jace shook his head and staggered towards the elevator, ready to go back home and nurse his wounds, both physical and emotional.

Simon grabbed the glass coffee pot off of the small hotel room coffee maker and filled it with tap water, before pouring the water into the machine. He slammed the coffee pot back in its place and crossed his arms, glaring at the coffee maker impatiently. The small machine bubbled to awareness and the dark liquid began to flow into the pot. Simon half smiled as the friendly scent of coffee filled the hair. He slammed two plastic mugs on the counter and let out a breath.

Clary blinked open tired eyes and stood up slowly. She heard the sounds of someone impatient making coffee. The crashing noises made her think about Simon, his reactions when he was mad. Clary rubbed her emerald green eyes with the heels of her hands, and scrubbed at her cheeks; She stretched and yawned like a cat before hopping out of bed quietly. She raked her fingers through her unruly mess of hair and yawned again. She padded softly towards where the noises were coming from and she spotted Simon. The vampire had finished slamming mugs onto the counter, and from his stance Clary knew he was tense. Clary crept up behind him, her bare feet making no noise on the carpeted floor. The girl snaked her arms around Simon's neck and buried her face in the back of his shirt; She shocked herself with how forward she was being. She breathed in Simon's comforting scent and a smile crept across her face.

"Good morning you," She whispered in Simon's ear, knowing she was embarrassing the vampire boy.

"What's wrong?" She asked, her voice childlike.

"How do you know anything is wrong?" Simon asked, thinly veiling the contempt in his voice. Clary let go of his neck to point at the cracked handle of the coffee pot and the chipped and cracked mugs. Clary took Simon's embarrassed silence as a yes and shouldered him aside, forcing herself between the boy and the coffee maker. She filled both cups carefully and picked them up, turning to face her vampire friend. She found herself facing his partially bare, well-muscled chest. A hot blush flamed across her cheeks and she abruptly handed Simon his cup, walking away as quickly as possible. She sipped from the warm mug as she stared out over New York City. She caught her reflection in the glass of the mirror, and saw the blue of the bruise Jace had given to her. Clary bit her lip and looked down, ashamed as Simon came to stand beside her.

"You don't have to be ashamed about what happened with Jace," Simon said softly, putting his arm around his friends shoulder.

"I'm not," Clary told him flatly.

"He was here this morning," Simon murmured softly, and Clary stiffened under his arm. She brought her green eyes up to meet Simon's brown ones, and the vampire smiled reassuringly.


	3. Breathless

**A/N: I must apologize, as my friend Satorie Writer has told me, I was being a lazy ass. I know it's been over a year I think since I've updated, and I don't know if anyone has any hope for this story anymore, but you should read it. Pwety pwease!**

**Also, I've heard some people in my reviews saying how out of character Jace is. But it is necessary for him to be like this….he will change, do not worry.**

Breathless

Jace held his nose as he staggered towards the bathroom, cursing at Simon under his breath. He could leave the hotel, but that would look bad, especially with blood everywhere. The tall shadowhunter kicked the door open and made a beeline for the paper towel dispenser. Grabbing a handful of the coarse material, Jace shoved the balled paper towel under an icy cold stream of water until it was saturated. He wiped carelessly at the blood on his face, scrubbing until the skin was red. Jace wiped more delicately around his nose, carefully swiping away fresh and dried blood. Once his face did not look like a macabre mess, he appraised his battered features. Bruising was starting to develop under his eyes, and his nose was almost squashed, not beyond being set, but far beyond a medical doctors care. Jace lifted his hand to his nose, sliding a few chunks of the cartilage into place. The boy stared at his reflection, after he had fixed what he could, his nose looked less pug-like, but still needed work. His white shirt was crusted with blood, so he pulled it off and shoved it into the garbage can; going shirtless was the lesser of two evils, though Jace knew Clary wouldn't appreciate it…not that it mattered, because Clary didn't even seem to care anymore. It was like she had given up on them.

Jace let a cocky grin slide across his face, and strode out of the bathroom lazily. He attracted stares from many people, male and female alike. He swaggered through the lobby, portraying 'you know you want me' in every stride. No one had the guts to talk to him as he approached the reception desk.

"Do you have any tape?" he asked the skinny blonde receptionist. The woman stammered for a response, her eyes wide, appraising Jace's body. Jace rolled his eyes with a smile and grabbed the tape off the desk. He peeled off three strips, taping them tightly across his nose.

"Thanks," He said, dropping the tape dispenser and striding out of the hotel. Alec was sitting at the curb in a black Mercedes, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel in an abstract pattern. Shock flickered across his face, then was replaced with a smile as Jace sank into the passenger seat and slammed the door behind himself.

"Looks like you'll need plastic surgery," Alec said as he put the car in drive. Jace's hands flew to his nose and he started at his brother in horror. Alec only laughed,

"You should've seen your face, it was like someone told you they'd killed your mother. You do remember we are Shadowhunters right…"Alec trailed off into fits of laughter while Jace stared impassively out the windshield.

"I cared more about the fact that my nose was broken than the fact that I broke Clary's heart," He said. Alec stopped laughing and stared at his brother soberly.

"I think you're trying to fool yourself Jace, you just don't want to admit you care about it," the black haired boy said wisely. Jace swallowed audibly.

"You don't know what I've done," Jace said in a strained whisper.

"Well explain to me why you're so fucked up and so piss drunk all the time! Explain the whole damn thing! It's not just yourself that you're hurting now," Alec shouted, slamming his hand down on the steering wheel. Jace sighed, and looked down at his hands.

"Look just tell me, I won't hate you. I may get mad, but you're my brother, I'll never hate you," Alec said

Jace took a breath.

"I can't get over Alicante. I drink to forget, I got drunk every night…hell I still do get drunk. But anyhow, I started to cheat on Clary. She found out but stuck it out for a while. Soon though, she just couldn't deal with it." Jace paused to collect his thoughts.

"I showed up the next morning, and after a while she knew where I'd been. She stopped touching me, stopped kissing me, stopped talking to me; finally she'd had enough. I can home really hammered and she started getting in my face, she was yelling at me, she told me I was pathetic and that I ran away from my demons. She told me she wanted me to leave and that it was over," Jace stopped, swallowing back tears and forcing the lump in his throat down.

"What exactly did she say?" Alec asked softly.

"She said she didn't love me, and I hit her. I punched her in the face. That was it, she drew a rune that literally drove me out of her house. That wasn't too long ago. I've hit her more since then. I haven't really talked to her, but I hit her a few days ago though. I can't even believe this is me, I feel like I'm possessed!" Jace cried out. Alec pulled to the curb and parked by the Lightwood Manor.

"Wow, that's pretty heavy. How bad did you hit her this time?" Alec asked coolly. Jace winced.

"Pretty bad, only twice in the face, but I got her ribs, her back, her legs, I seriously couldn't stop hitting her,"

"I still can't believe you hit Clary," Alec said, shaking his head.

"I KNOW!" Jace roared, his yell reverberating through the car.

"Look, Jace, you need help. I'm going to draw a healing rune, but you have to promise you'll go to rehab and let me check you in," Alec told his brother in a calming voice. Jace buried his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking.

"I'll do it," he muttered brokenly, before letting gasping sobs overtake him. For once, Jace was out of words, and he was out of breath.


	4. Haunted

Haunted

Clary lay in her hotel bed, staring up at the ceiling, her thoughts spinning through her head. Her breathing was laboured, her throat thick, her eyes teary. She couldn't stop thinking about him. He used to be her Jace, her wonderful, beautiful Jace…and now…now he was nothing. She felt dried out, used up, empty; abuse was a fragile place and Clary was just having a hard time grasping that her and Jace were over. It had been brewing for a while, the pain Clary felt in her back from his abuse was a clear indicator. But sometime things happened for a reason, not that Clary believed Jace abused her for a reason, she knew it was just an excuse, but still. His good days never left her brain; all she dreamed of was Jace before Alicante, before the beatings started, before everything went to shit. She brought her hand up to gently wipe away the tears that were falling. She wished she knew what had made his eyes grow cold and what had made him abandon her.

Simon was in the small living room of the hotel room, perched on the couch, listening to Clary tossing and turning, her faint sniffles. His heart was breaking for her a million times over; after all, she was the one he always loved. He ran a hand through his dark hair and thought about going in the room to talk to Clary, to hold her tight, to tell her that he was always going to be there. But he didn't want to break her heart anymore than it was already broken, because he knew uttering those words would make it more real to Clary that the Jace she once knew was gone, that he would never be back. He buried his face in the arm of the couch, biting his lip. He sighed, god, he never could've imagined even in the worst situation that it would be like this, Clary utterly broken. He couldn't just leave her like this…could he? He didn't want to invade on sensitive territory by telling her that he still felt for her, but he also just couldn't walk away…Simon had never learned to walk away.

The vampire stood up and walked across the room to Clary's door, knocking on it lightly.

"Come in," was Clary's soft reply, her voice strained.

"How're you feeling?" Simon asked as he opened the door, peering around it. Clary rolled onto her side and propped her chin up on her hand, looking at him with red-rimmed eyes.

"As good as I can feel when I've broken up with the guy who was my life at one point, and the guy who beat me because we were each other's lives, it's kind of a continuous cycle of pain," Clary said with a pained smile, pulling at her bright red hair. Simon closed the door and leaned up against it, watching her, unsure of what to say. He opened his mouth after a few moments of thinking,

"I don't want to tell you everything will be okay, because I can't promise you that. I don't want to tell you you'll get over it, because I can't promise that you will. I can't promise that Jace will be sorry about this; I can't promise you that you will forgive or ever forget. The only thing I can tell you is that there are people who love you, your mom, Luke, Alec, Isabelle, and the rest of the Lightwoods and me. These people will always be here for you, no matter what," He said softly. Clary looked down, picking at the comforter.

"Thanks Simon, that means a lot to me," she said gently. The vampire shook his head,

"Clary, it's the truth. The only thing I'm doing is reaffirming what you should always know," He said.

"Simon, can I have a hug?" She asked, looking at him with the expression of a child.

"Of course," Simon said, covering the ground between the door and the bed in a few long strides. Clary stretched up to meet him, and he held her to him tightly, his face buried in her hair, and her face buried in the hollow of his neck. He sat down beside her as he began to feel her body shake, and wetness pooling on his skin. Suddenly, her ragged sobs were breaking the silence as she cried for what she had lost. It had once been a Cinderella story…where Jace was a bit of a jerk of a prince charming, but he was still hers; now her love story had shattered into pieces. And she didn't know what to do. She was haunted, plagued by the memories of her lover. And all Simon could do was hold her while her sobs broke against him, and her cries were deep and full of pain.

* * *

Jace walked up to the front desk of the rehab centre.

"Excuse me miss, but what's your fastest alcoholic rehabilitation clinic that you put on?" He asked, gnawing on his lip nervously.

"Two weeks, would you like to check yourself in?" the woman asked. Jace nodded mutely.

"Well, I'll ask you to sit on the chairs over there, and fill out this questionnaire," The woman handed him a clipboard and a cheap ballpoint pen and pointed him towards a waiting area.

Jace shoved his unruly gold hair back from his eyes and sat down, scanning the survey as quickly as possible, answering each of the questions honestly, even if it was hard for him to do. Most of them were generic, asking him what problem he was admitting to having, and what program he was checking into, whether he preferred group therapy or one on one therapy. One-on-one was his answer, he just couldn't deal with telling a huge group of people what he'd done, one psychologist was enough. The last question?

Why are you checking into the rehabilitation centre?

Jace gripped the pen tightly and wrote

'To win back the woman I love.'


End file.
